sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
