Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
