I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
