I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
