i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
