what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
