All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
