Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize