Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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