I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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