Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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