i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
