hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
