Non-Jews are for practice
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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