I want to stick my p in your. b.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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