i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
