I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
