she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize