I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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