I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
