My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize