Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
