I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
