You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
