She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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