the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I would fuck him just for his dog
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize