I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
