I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
