Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
