i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize