i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
