I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
