I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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