it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
