dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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