His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
