A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
