i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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