Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
