I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
