He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
