I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
porn star boner night. come get it.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
