Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
