im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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