I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
