the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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