she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
