ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize