Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
