just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
