You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
