Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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