We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
