Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
