he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
