sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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