I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
