Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
