I faked an abortion last night.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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