it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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