Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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