So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
