Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize