R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
