do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
