Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
