dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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