weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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