So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
