Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
