1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
