Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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