do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
