His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
