i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She even gives head with a lisp.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
